Splurging out a reflection

I woke up this morning feeling contemplative.

There are so many things happening all around me, and I haven't stopped to even think. Amongst writing my assignments and my dissertation, I've been a socialite, part of a support network, a musician, a photographer, a leader, and a wife. I haven't had a spare moment for the last 6 weeks, and haven't sat around for long enough to enjoy a weekend, yet I feel content!

This time last year, my husband was in Scotland, and I was frazzled. We had something like 8 2500 word assignments to write in 3 months, and a week's placement in the middle. Communication with Simon was very scarce, as he was always busy, and when we did communicate, we often fell out as texts and Facebook can cause so many barriers with there being no body language or facial expressions to decode.

Honestly, it was the hardest period of time I've had to endure! However, we've come out the other end even stronger than before. I do remember, though, having to seek counselling, as there were times when I just couldn't cope.

Anxiety and depression are close acquaintances of mine. I've had to live with them for a few years - in fact, 7 years now (has it really been that long?). In the present day, I can honestly say I feel free of them, but there are days when I wake up and think, "wow, I am not feeling today," or I have a panic attack over something that is not even real.

But look at what I have been blessed with: a loving husband, an incredible family, some of the best friends I could have asked for and a secure home. Why is it that we focus on the negative, when the positive is slapping us around the face screaming, "appreciate me!"?

Unfortunately, it is down to human nature. We are broken people, but we can call on God to help us. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I forget that in the list of things I am being, I need to also be a worshipper.

Psalms 25:17 says this: Relieve the trouble of my heart and free me from my anguish. That is my prayer for myself, but also for those people around me that I know are hurting, lonely or anxious. Because, as Jesus said, in my favourite of all passages from the Gospel:
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34).

(P.S. I apologise in advance for how random this post was, but it was just a splurge, again.)

Creativity and a bit of Imagination

Today, I thought about my dissertation. Then, my entire being groaned. Then I thought about doing

Creative Impulse by Kim e Sens

some more reading for it. In response, I died a little inside. However, I did do some reading, and I took some time to think and reflect, before throwing down the books and sighing in despair.

I want to base my dissertation around creativity, and what part it has in the classroom. Additionally, I want to research the ways in which moving image is used in Literacy to inspire said creativity within children's writing. I do find all of this interesting, but having had such an amazing summer, I feel slightly unmotivated.

Then I remembered this little TED Talk from Sir Ken Robinson that a friend of mine sent me on our faithful friend, Facebook Messenger:

This was my motivation, and it also made me think about myself and my own creativity. In all honesty, I have a huge imagination. I don't always let this be known, as it can sometimes be a little embarrassing. Sometimes, my imagination is so big that reality and imaginary form into one - even at 23 years old! (My birthday last Thursday was great, thanks for asking.) Often enough, this can cause issues with my outlook on life. There have been a few times where I have imagined having a fatal illness for so long that I suddenly believe I do and fall into a spiral of anxiety. Some of my friends like to tease me (all good natured, of course) about how I am so gullible, but the truth is: in my head, I am imagining that scenario they have made up to trick me and in there, it is not beyond the realms of possibility.

That, and I'm just plain stupid.

It's not all bad though. Having a big imagination is not always a hindrance. Without sounding big-headed, I think sometimes it is a talent to be able to create a whole different world, series of events and characters within the confines of my head. I grew up writing short stories, and now I live them by gaming and sometimes playing MMORPGS.

If I could, I would completely lose myself to my fantasy world, but I know that if I go too far in, it is hard to get back out again. I lose myself to the pretend, and my grasp on reality. It's a real problem for me, you know. I had to seek counselling for a while about it.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is...

I want to be a teacher that can use my imagination and creativity to motivate and inspire children. Maybe sometimes my ideas are not always realistic, and lessons may flop due to the fact that I didn't think about the reality of the situation before initiating the teaching, but I want to be able to show children that it's good to be creative. We need to develop creativity in children, so that our world can continue to develop in new exciting ways! I want to mould writers, artists, musicians and dancers out of my children. I know this is entirely possible, because, as Ken Robinson says: we are born creative - we just grow out of it.